Don’t stop reading and text me. I am not describing my current emotional state. That, my friends, is absolutely amazingly grateful for this beautiful life I get to live. Maybe sometimes messy, definitely not always smooth sailing, but beautiful for all that it is… my gift from God.
So what is with the title?
It is something that has been on my mind and heart for all the single people out there, especially those a little older than the age where this world expects “singlehood” to cease. For those who have ever heard “aren’t there any cute guys at your church?” or “can’t you just blitz out the dating websites”. For those whose friends feel the need to fix you up with such high standards as “well, he is single and about your age”. For those who find everyone trying to “fix” you from your single affliction.
My friends, I feel your “pain”. At 29 for the 12th time, I have heard them all and I understand how as each year passes – other people’s desperation for you seems to grow. And here’s the kicker, they seem to pity the terribly lonely life you must live.
So the title?
There is a tremendous difference between alone and lonely when it comes to relationship status. Alone is simply a description of your physical state of not being in a relationship. It just means you check that single box and sometimes can be found eating out – or folding sheets at the laundry mat – by yourself. Lonely is an emotional description of a mental state. Sure, they sometimes go hand in hand – but they are not synonymous nor does one mean the other is inevitable. Being alone — not in a relationship – does not mean I walk around the world lacking and feeling lonely.
I have my moments. Sure, there are times when the day has been especially rocky when it might be nice to have someone at home with a hug and support. Sure, there are days when you get news that is not so great that having that person who loves you right there would be nice. But I would argue, that even people not in that single state can feel that kind of loneliness. Being in a relationship – being married – does not guarantee you will never be lonely.
So why point this all out?
Maybe just to help those of us singletons, and those who are trying to fix us singletons really understand that single / alone…
Is
Actually
OK!
This time is growing me, stretching me, enabling me to travel and learn from the world, and to travel inward and learn of me. It is God’s time to be in relationship with me. God’s time to help me learn and grow into the person I should be for the partner He is teaching and growing just for me. I know some won’t understand – some will still feel that my singleness is something in need of a fast cure. And that is OK. Just as I love you in whatever state you are in, please just do the same for me and all my fellow “loners”.
Because really, your pressure is dangerous. Too many people hear the message of “alone means something is wrong with you” and they become desperate to conform. To fit into what everyone else expects of them. Their focus becomes simply finding someone instead of patiently waiting with God and preparing for the one. When the focus becomes someone, we settle. We give up on God’s plan and His time and rush into the right now. We give up on the person God knows will walk through life with us and settle for someone who will simply walk beside us, and often who will walk away from us. When desperation leads, we compromise who we are to be who we think the other person wants us to be. Anything to not be alone – not to lose the someone at the high high cost of losing ourselves. We find ourselves away from God and we lose ourselves and we wake up lonely – even though we are no longer alone.
Make no mistake friends – the loneliest people I know are the ones who are tethered with the wrong someone. The loneliest people I know are actually not alone by the world’s standards but are alone by God’s.
God knows me better than any someone the world puts in my path.
Psalm 139:12-18 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them? Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand – when I am awake, I am still with you.”
And God knows the person who will add to my life. God’s plan has always been to make my life more full of love and joy – peace. Not ease, but comfort. God desires my heart to be protected and to give me His gifts. His promise for me is love and hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 “’For I know the plans I have for you’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future!’”
Proverbs 23:18 “There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.”
So my friends, take comfort. Know that I may be alone by the world’s standards – but I am not lonely. I don’t live for the world. I will wait for the man that God has perfectly prepared for me – while surrounding myself with friends who love me for everything that I am. People who lift me up and challenge me to grow. I know with these friends walking this journey with me, I may be single but I am never alone. I know that any instant when loneliness finds me – a simple cry for help and I am surrounded. And with that support, I can be truly content in my aloneness. I am perfectly the person God created me to be and with that perfection, I am worth only the best He has planned for me.
For him I will wait.
Praising God for all that I do have.
Praying to God for all that is to come.
Becoming the partner God wants me to be.
And because I wait for His time to reveal my him to me, I stand confident I will not be lonely when I am no longer alone.
amberchasingsunsets 